You know it ain't easy having a beard
Cause people look at me like I'm totally weird
They always think I'm homeless when I'm taking back cans
Jumping to conclusions, think I roam in a rapist van
Plannin' an attack like I'm out of Afghanistan
Puttin' me down 'til I'm flat on my back then
Throw me out the grandstand, land in a trash can
That's really not cool man
I don't understand

Sometimes I want to shave it but I can't
Cause when a razor comes near it, it grows two hands
And it grabs that motherfucker and it breaks in half
And then somehow it lets out a sinister laugh
I'm sort of worried but most of the time
I let it do it's thing and pay it no mind
Cause all in all he's an awesome dude
Except when he gets in the way when I'm tryin' to eat food
Bitch

Havin' a beard
This song is for the beard

Oh, and cunnilingus, he gets in there too
Soakin' up the juices of the glorious cooch
Later in the day just to ruin the mood
He'll let out that stink and empty the room
But you gotta admit, I look like a pimp
My beards got a cane and a mackdaddy limp
Let me show you something thats totally sick
I call 'em my pubes, they're like a beard for my dick
Don't get too close or they'll get in your eyes
Part them with your hands like the great divide
Hold on for your life, arms and legs inside
Fuck a mustache, we're goin' on a beard ride
Bitch

Havin' a beard
This song is for the beard
(You got a fuckin' beard)
This song is for the beard
(You got a fuckin' beard)

That's dope