I’m so hard. There ain't nothing that can stop her.
I’m so hard. Gotta go and see a doctor.
I’m so hard theres diminishing returns
Every time I try I fail and I guess I’ll never learn

If you get it, then you got it it’s a simple as that
Calling Jollybeard talented’s like a hat on a hat
If I fall you will follow me to the end of the map
So when my balls in your jaws you’ve fallen into my trap

Or is it me who’s been foolish, my jewels are clenched in the vice
Calcium cuts like a knife, but the warm saliva feels nice
My eyes connect with your eyes and before I can think twice
My fucking testes disconnect with a tug and a slice

Oh man, I’m screaming and crying, theres blood all over the floor
I try to wrap it in a towel and I look for the door
I instinctively PKW, but realize theres no time
I gotta get the fuck outta here before I bleed out and die

My legs are getting heavy as I book for the exit
My ankles caught in a bear trap, it snaps shut and breaks it
And as I fall on my ass, a teardrop streams down my face
I’ll give a 3 out of 5. It was an okay Tinder date.

My head is all wrapped in plastic, not sure bout my torso.
My arms and hands have been lovingly crammed down the disposal.
My blood and organs are kept fresh, any time that she needs
And the rest of me’s buried, pushing up daisies for bees.

I’m so hard, homie, keep it on the lo-lo
I’m so hard, got me hangin like Solo
I’m so hard that I’m probably compensating
For a microscopic penis that can’t satisfy a woman