I'll regale you with a tale since you just had to ask
Took my cat to the vet, found a cancerous mass
Before Lincoln was shot, he said, "this too shall pass"
I'm gonna drown all my sorrows by eatin' a ass

Eatin' a ass, yes, I'm eatin' a ass
Yeah, I'm puttin' in that work, I'm completin' them laps
You'd think my name was Brian Dunn, yeah, it's me from your past
There's two things that I love, they're both eatin' a ass

If you wanna know the truth, well, it's hard to disguise
My middle name is Analingus and it ain't no surprise
I got a taste for your grapefruit, say please and thank you
I don't like eatin' ass, just kiddin', I lied

Cause I'm eatin' a ass, yeah, I'm eatin' a ass
Your butt plus my tongue, honey, you do the math
Conservatives wanna cancel me for teaching a class
About Pythagorean theorem and eatin' a ass

I was talkin' to your grandma, she was callin' me a cutie
I took her to the movies, got some ice cream, tutti-fruity
I plastered her with pleasantries, considered it my duty
And five minutes later, I was lickin' her asshole

A rascal, and I'm movin' in fast though
Put my lips up on your trumpet, I'm a master of brass, yo
Gonna eat my Fruit Loops, gotta follow my nose
It's my tongue all in your jungle, bring me into the fold

Cause I'm eatin' a ass, yo, I'm eatin' a ass
I'm blowin' on your donut like the breezes in France
You can call me Alex Horne because I'm inkin' a task
And I seal it with wax, then I'm eatin' a ass

My time starts now, put my feet on the gas
Got a reason why I shouldn't? Better think of it fast
Even if your rear end be stinkin' of trash
I'll put on a bandit mask cause I'm eatin' your ass

Yeah, I'm eatin' a ass, yes, I'm eatin' a ass
It's not without it's risks, got my knee in a cast
All the time in the world, yeah, I need it to last
Cause I'm spendin' every second try to eat up your ass

Give me another chance because I'm tryin' to impress
I'm an ass man, I don't care about breasts
I guarantee ya, It's a promise, better yet, it's a threat
I'll put your ass on my head because I'm passin' the test

Yo, this is just a song about goin' to school
Oh wait, no it's not, I'm a ass eatin' fool
I didn't mean to get sidetracked, would you tell me it's cool
If I fill up your asscrack with a gallon of drool

We can chill by the pool, we can play in the sand
Watch a movie or two but you know my real plans
I'm not into fancy dinners or meetin' your friends
Unless they want to get together, watch me eatin' your ass

Cause I'm eatin' a ass, girl, I'm eatin' yo ass
I'm writin' this while drivin', bout to be in a crash
Put this song on your iPod, put your speakers on blast
Roll all the windows down and also your pants

I saw ya momma packin' ass, yeah, she lookin' like snack
Bout to get me some puddin', bout to eat the whole pack
Bite her peach with my teeth, I don't mean to be crass
But you know my hole goal, I'm tryin' to be your new dad

Yeah, I'll take you to the park, we can both have a catch
You want a sno-cone? Here's a bit of my cash
Need a shoulder to cry on? I'll be there in a flash
Cause you know it ain't easy eatin' a ass

No, this ain't a bridge, ain't no Billy Goat's Gruff
But I'm tryin' to tongue fuck ya deep in your butt
Wanna taste what you ate datin' back to a month
Wanna kiss you goodnight cause I think I'm in love

With eatin' a ass, yo, I'm eatin' ya ass
I'm a secret assoholic, yeah, I'm sneakin' a flask
I'mma read you your rights cause you're under arrasst
I'mma sentence you to life of me eatin' yo ass

Snoop, sign me to your label cause I'm freakin these raps
About breathin' the grass and also eatin' a ass
I think the offers expired but I believe there's a chance
That I just wrote the sweetest rap about eatin' a ass

Yes, I'm eatin' a ass, oh yeah, I'm eatin' a ass
Whether you like it or not, I'll be stealin' the stash
Causin' trouble in your treble, all the bass in your bass
I'm makin' my demands, want my face in your ass

This is gettin' out of hand, you can call me needy
I don't care who I am, as long as you Rikishi
If you don't get the reference I'll get the referee
Gonna get the DQ and the 1, 2, 3

Yeah, 4, 5, 6, yeah, I'm countin' the licks
I ain't stoppin' at 10, yeah, I'm gettin' my wish
I forgot what I'm sayin', Snoop, what did you ask?
Man, it doesn't really matter cause I'm eatin' a ass